Cleanin house

After nearly five years, Dad and I decided it was finally time to face the inevitable. Last Sunday, we spent all day cleaning out the Carmel house and going through Mom's old things. With the very gracious help of Steven and Keith, we were able to go through room fulls of...STUFF! Most of the "stuff" ended up on Goodwill's doorstep, and the whole thing was a very interesting process.

I knew it was going to be an emotional day, so I had mentally prepared myself for a few weeks to distance myself from the belongings, and go into the process with an almost robot-like outlook. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to part with anything AND we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. I think I did pretty well only having a small handful of tear-filled moments, but I kept trucking right on through.

The hardest wave hit as we were pulling away from the house in the evening, when I could finally allow myself to feel human again. The memories and hurt flooded through me, filling me up and overwhelming me. Part of me can't even remember the specifics of why I was so upset, but the void and feeling of irreversible loss is still very clear.

There is still a decent amount of "stuff" to go through at the house, but we did make it through a lot of Mom's belongings. I only kept two (sets of) things of hers because as Dad had to keep reminding me, "Although these things were her, she is not these things." Holding on to anything more than I did would be like trying to recapture what is forever lost...

R.I.P.
Wanda Simcoe Hamilton
9/21/51 - 6/13/06